Cade's Inbox

[onlyhymns]

[For personal threads, memos, things left in his quarters for him to stumble on, confessions of love, injunctions, jars of bees, and so forth.]

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[keeperofmagi]

She watched him silently for a long moment.

"No sword." She said, finally. "You may carry a shield, but no blade of any kind. You are to stay in my sight at all times, until we arrive back in Skyhold, and then we will report this to Commander Cullen, and he will take whatever further disciplinary action he sees fit."

She was silent for a long time, her brow beginning to furrow.

"... You didn't want this to happen, did you."

[onlyhymns]

Cade nodded to her instructions, his fingers tightening over his face as he felt tears sting his eyes. How repulsive, he observed: if he lost his composure in front of a fellow soldier, his disgrace would be even deeper.

Nerva's question broke him out of his thoughts, and he gave yet another tortured shake of his head.

[keeperofmagi]

She watched him a long time in silence. The pity was deep, but - disgust was there, too. Anger. She'd trusted him, to be able to hold himself back. She'd trusted him, and she shouldn't have.

"If you were a mage, I would suggest the Rite of Tranquillity." She said eventually. "I think you are starting to become a danger to yourself, Cade. Let alone the rest of the Inquisition."

[onlyhymns]

That got his attention. Tranquility as he'd known it had been a punishment for dissent, and only for mages. He finally removed his hand to look at Nerva, red-eyed and horrified, though in the back of his mind, a small part of him sighed with relief. He envied the Tranquil as much as he feared what the Rite stood for.

"I should... leave," he said tremulously, his breath hitching. He could just put down all his things, walk off into the wilderness, and disappear. He would die, certainly, from lyrium withdrawal if not exposure, but this way no one else would have to be responsible.

[keeperofmagi]

"No." Her voice was firm in this, and her eyes sharp.

"No, Cade. You will not leave, and you will not run. You will face your crime. If you are truly repentant, I am sure the Commander will take that into account. Do not deepen your guilt by running."

[onlyhymns]

She was right, of course. He looked at her for a moment more, long enough to nod, then away again, removing one gauntlet to duck his head into his now-bare hand. He couldn't stand being stared at, let alone with such disgust, so he turned away enough to hide his face completely.

[keeperofmagi]

She watched him for a long moment, and then sighed. She needed to go back - needed to check on Beleth, and with Alistair, but she was not about to leave Cade alone. So it could wait, until they were back at Skyhold.

"You'll camp with me," she continued finally. "We will fetch your things from your tent, and we will make for Skyhold." Not without notice, of course - a word to the camp organizer, and a letter sent ahead to Cullen should do the trick.

[onlyhymns]

Cade nodded, his back still turned. From here on it would be the anticipation that killed him, the knowledge of his impending and inescapable doom. And he would have to wait the better part of a week to receive it.
Needless to say, he wasn't going to be sleeping much.