Cade's Inbox

[onlyhymns]

[For personal threads, memos, things left in his quarters for him to stumble on, confessions of love, injunctions, jars of bees, and so forth.]

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[onlyhymns]

[More training, more of the same, people expecting things that he can't deliver... it doesn't sound at all preferable, but what choice does he have? Cade doubts even Andraste gives a shit anymore, and he's devoted his life to her.
His chest pangs with the knowledge that so much of everyone's reputation rests on him, and that he wants none of it. Not anymore. He's tired, of being wrong, of getting talkings-to like this one, of having to be repurposed or retrained or reassigned every few months. It's his fault, but it's exhausting.

Still, he nods. His desolation is too deep for him to argue with Gwen, and he's not sure he could anyway.]

...then they won't execute me?

[The question finds its way out. He doesn't even know if she'll know, but he knows it's been on the table for a long time, and has had it in the back of his mind ever since. There was a point when he would've even been all right with it, but now... he was just starting to get the hang of things. Beleth would be so embarrassed to know him.]

[elegiaque]

( She wants to say no, but she's already made promises in this conversation for other people, and she knows that that one might be far harder to hold to. )

I can't promise you it won't come to that. What I can promise you is that there will be voices speaking on your behalf - my own among them. Executing you does less than nothing about the real damage that's been done here. It serves the people who set you up to fail in the first place, it doesn't serve the Inquisition.

You have to be willing to work with Ser Coupe. You have to be willing to set aside what you've been taught and learn something different and swallow your pride because the Inquisition is more important than all of us singularly. You have to be ready to apologise if that's what's required of you, or to stay out of it if it isn't. If we can show that something is being done, that this isn't going to be another case of giving you a stern talking to and then hoping you miraculously learn to read minds, it'll be a lot easier to fight it.

[onlyhymns]

[The fact that she can't promise it, that it's still a distinct possibility despite this conversation, sucks all the remaining wind out of Cade's sails. Sure, whatever. That other stuff probably matters.]

I'll work with Ser Coupe, [he says, hoping that formalizing it in words will somehow make it real. His hands have begun to shake again, though he tries to keep them still.]
I'll do what has to be done.

[It was so easy in the abbey: the kids who acted out got a switching and everyone went on with their lives. Of course, he'd never had one. He was good then.]

[elegiaque]

Ser Harriman -

Cade.

( She puts her hands folded on the table; a compromise. She'd want to be reached for, in his position, but she isn't him and she won't pretend so much intimacy with a man she's met fleetingly, the once. )

I am going to do everything in my power to ensure the best possible outcome. I'm not asking you to believe that a perfect stranger has your best interests selflessly at heart - I'm asking you to believe that I understand the importance of the Inquisition, and that the best outcome for the Inquisition is you made a more effective member of it. Not your death.

All your death says to anyone is that the Seekers accept they failed. And I don't want that to be how my cousin is remembered by the people of Kirkwall. I know it's not as touching as if a friend of yours came here with an impassioned speech about protecting you, but my way gives you the best chance. Please be willing to meet me halfway.

[onlyhymns]

[He does, deeply, want to be reached for. But if someone did, Cade wouldn't know what to do with it, so Gwen's restraint is appreciated. Resting his elbows on his knees, he folds his hands over his mouth and takes in the sight of the woman's hands on the table.
When he looks at her, there's a glimmer of desperation in his pale eyes. Though wordless, he pleads for respite; a year ago, he'd have fought tooth and nail to be kept in the Templars. Now, he just wants peace. Just let it end.

Cade nods once more, and shows by his uncharacteristically held eye contact that he understands, and is invested. He's not good with words, but he knows when to say yes.]

[elegiaque]

( Gwenaëlle, of all people, understands what she's looking at. It pricks at her - she wishes she had something better to offer. That she could tell him he was cared for. That she could tell him she knows he won't be executed for other people's failures.

She's given him honesty. It's cold comfort, but it will have to do. )

If you need to speak with me for any reason, I've a crystal or Ser Coupe knows where to reach me. And I'll tell you this -

I'm neither very patient nor very nice. I'm not a bleeding heart, and I hate having my time wasted. I don't take on anything I believe to be a lost cause. You're not, ( very clearly, as she rises, her own cup empty but his and the teapot left for him, ) a lost cause.

[onlyhymns]

[Honesty is all he can hope for, at the moment. Cade nods a final time, looking uneasy at how pointedly Gwen explains herself, but her message isn't lost on him. Perhaps her words won't convince him now, but at least, if someone impatient and not very nice says it, she must believe it.]