Cade's Inbox

[onlyhymns]

[For personal threads, memos, things left in his quarters for him to stumble on, confessions of love, injunctions, jars of bees, and so forth.]

Comments

these fries, motherfucker! (post blue flu boogaloo)

[nadasharillen]

It had been two weeks since a lyrium-tinted and slowly shattering Simon had asked her to check in on Cade. Since she'd hurried to collect a few of the potions Colin had made and walked quickly through the cold and snow to the Templar barracks, her mouth a contrite line. She'd been so wrapped up in herself, reveling in her bleak self-destruction, that she had hardly noticed the spread of the disease... and who it had spread to.

So Nari had come day after day most mornings, the nights when Simon was gone. More blankets, fewer blankets, cold compresses, sleeping draughts, lyrium. She had been servants, Chantry Sisters, once Beleth, twice herself, hardly ever remembered. Often she'd find him entirely insensible, but she came, said whatever it seemed the man wracked with fever needed to hear to be able to sleep, and kept watch. As she wore down with running, with sleep of her own snatched in bits and pieces in corners, the path between the Gallows docks, the infirmary, the barracks, wherever she slept that night became thoughtless and automatic.

Which is why this morning, when the quarantine lifted, she hardly stopped to knock before admitting herself to the room Simon and Cade were sharing, a weary but still spirited invitation on her lips.

"I thought maybe, since the--oh."

all rise, motherfucker

[onlyhymns]

After this dark fucking period, in which Cade needed more blankets AND less blankets, he is finally able to stay cognizant throughout the full day. But being that he was in such a state for so long, so ramped up and so exhausted and unable to remember when he'd last eaten or drank, there's a lot of convalescence to do in which he just rests and eats and tries not to think too hard about the things he experienced.
When Nari enters the room, Cade offers her a weak little smile and sits up in bed, setting his book off to one side. He's enough returned to himself that he's embarrassed to lounging around when a visitor's here, especially a female one, but is drained enough that he almost doesn't care for once.

wrong size, motherfucker

[nadasharillen]

Having thought she’d woken him up, Nari is relieved to see the book.

“Don’t get up on my account,” she says with a small smile of her own, although hers is apologetic. “We’ve all just been cooped up so long, I thought it might be nice to go on a—” Nari pauses briefly, taking in how exhausted Cade looks, “—walk,” she finishes lamely, and then ruffles a hand through her hair, her smile turning wry and self-recriminating.

first prize, motherfucker

[onlyhymns]

When she looks so apologetic, Cade shakes his head and swings his legs around to hang them over the bed, the soft linen pants he sleeps in wrinkling a little too much. He's lost weight.

"I want to," he assures her, glancing out the window, pleased to see that the sun is shining. He's so tired, and yet he smells the fresh air, crisp and with just the faintest trace of spring on the wind.

"Just give me a moment." He's got real clothes around here, somewhere.

supplies, motherfucker

[nadasharillen]

Nari nods, looking pleased, and leans against one of Simon's bedposts, dutifully turning to look out the window, at the sun shining on the snow, while real clothes are sought out and donned.

On the whole, she rather enjoyed silence. Preferred it, even. But the noises of cloth shifting around were distracting, and she had--to her chagrin--been finding out that she was eminently flusterable. And thus: "It's nice out," she says, "for Wintermarch." No. Wait. That's not right. "Guardian," she amends with a rueful shake of her head. Wintermarch was only so many lost days. "So very nice for Wintermarch, I suppose." Strong opener, Nahariel Dahlasanor. You're a credit to the People.

baptize, motherfucker

[onlyhymns]

Though a little unnerved that Nari has remained here instead of going out of the room while he changes, Cade chalks it up to cultural differences and also realizes he's so eager to leave the sickbed that he almost doesn't care. At least she's looking away.

Once he's dressed himself, he approaches the elf, gently tugging his belt into place and looking a bit sheepish. Despite being a little more ready, he doubtless still looks terrible, with almost a full months' stubble to show for it.
"Where are we going?" he asks, easily deferring to the person who made the plan.

disguise, motherfucker

[nadasharillen]

“I found a nice place to sit on the rocks down by the Gallows docks, but it requires a little climbing...” Nari pauses, taking a second glance as he finishes up and approaches that reveals that Cade does, in fact, look terrible; just edging from gaunt into merely thin, a bit shaky. “Maybe another time. The Grove then? I want to check the statue for ice, give her another coat of wax.” Nari is, indeed, carrying a pack over her shoulder. “That, and there’s enough of the forest left that we can at least pretend we’ve left Kirkwall.”

some pies, motherfucker

[onlyhymns]

Cade takes a breath, as though about to express concern, but Nari hits on it right away. He nods when she changes her idea to the Grove, bringing his hands to his upper arms to warm them, rubbing up and down.
"Are they still selling wood?" he asks, carefully, hoping it doesn't upset her.

sunrise, motherfucker

[nadasharillen]

Nari thins her lips briefly, although not at him so much as the opportunistic woodcutters, and turns to search out and retrieve Cade’s cloak for him.

“Most likely," she replies, unable to stop her bitterness from leaking into her voice, "It's still cold, and with all that's happened I haven't been able to--" She pauses, looking evasive, and then finishes with the more benign "--talk to anyone about stopping it."

But the snow was sparkling outside, and the sky a bright clear blue, and most importantly they weren't confined to the Gallows any more, so she shrugs off the sour at the edge of her mood and opens the door, backing into it to hold it open for the man behind her. "Ready?"

zipties, motherfucker

[onlyhymns]

He glances away apologetically, already regretting the question, but Cade supposes they'll find out soon enough how bad it is. He doesn't want to think about how long it's actually been since he first heard about the firewood problem, since it is certainly longer than he perceives. He lost a month. A full month.

Tugging on his surcoat, Cade nods and steps out with Nari.

Revise, motherfucker

[nadasharillen]

The breeze outside is just as fresh as its promise through the window had been, and although there's a shadow of weariness on nearly every face they pass on the way down to catch a boat to the mainland the general feel is one of relief and optimism. Somewhere off in the courtyard a couple of dogs are barking ecstatically, and Nari takes a deep breath and is pleased when it doesn't burn her nose. A good day.

She slows her pace to match Cade's, looks over to ask him something, and then abruptly realizes that everything she has to ask is either terribly invasive or terribly mundane. And also that there is now a very short amount of time to choose between them. "Were you able to get some real sleep last night?" Mundane it is.

horseflies, motherfucker

[onlyhymns]

Walking in silence as usual, Cade seems pleasant enough as he looks around and takes in the Gallows courtyard. It's amazing to him how different it looks from how it did when he lived here last, when the Templars ran it, before the statues came alive.
It's better this way.

Glancing at Nari when she speaks, he gives a little nod. "It's been easy lately," he admits, "I'm... usually tired."

bowties, motherfucker

[nadasharillen]

"That's good," Nari says with a nod, a flashed smile. "The sleep part, in any case. Despite everyone being down so often, it never looked restful." She bends to scoop up a handful of snow as they walk, shaping it between her hands. "I'm sure the tired part will go away as your strength comes back."

homefries, motherfucker

[onlyhymns]

"It wasn't," Cade admits softly, and shudders. "At least.. what I remember of it." It's very little.
Once they're in the boat, he's quiet for a while, looking out at the city and the grey water, which seems the same color as his eyes.

"Nerva's dead," he whispers hollowly, after a time, "I thought I dreamed it."

snake eyes, motherfucker

[nadasharillen]

Nerva. Cade says the name with a weight to it, and Nari frowns, searching through her memory as the snow in her hands gradually continues to smooth towards a sphere. There's nothing there to find, though, besides a few loose mentions--another Templar? She shakes her head and leans against the side, watching him watch the water.

Sorry wasn't right. It hadn't been right when anyone had said it to her after Sina, and it wasn't right now, so instead she shifts and resettles lightly so that her shoulder barely touches his. Not enough that it can't be escaped, enough to know it's not a mistake that she's there, and listening.

true lies, motherfucker

[onlyhymns]

So fixated on his thoughts, Cade gives a little start when Nari's shoulder touches his, but he settles into it with a silent hyper-awareness. It's a bit strange, but there's no need for dramatics.

"She'd hate to see me like this," he admits, ducking his head slightly. He's not going to outright say it's for the better, because it's not. But the fact remains.

these guys, motherfucker

[nadasharillen]

Nari can feel the tension in Cade's shoulder, and presses her lips together. Maybe she shouldn't have. He hadn't moved, but that could mean anything from general nervousness to being uncomfortable but not wanting to seem to insult her. She decides to wait for a bit and then move if the tension remains. Besides, the shore would be coming up not too long from now.

"Like what?" she asks.

funsize, motherfucker

[onlyhymns]

Cade thinks a moment, and shakes his head. Sick, weak, sad, all the things he'd tried so hard not to be in her presence. He'd still been a Templar then.

"...just... this," he admits helplessly, giving a light shrug with a gesture to indicate all of him. "I..."
It seems almost like he might say more, but instead Cade trails off, staring out at the water with the weary, slumped bearing of someone twice his age.

Denies, motherfucker

[nadasharillen]

There was a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and letting someone wallow, and it was one Nari had learned well as Sina had tried to balance being both so young and so important to the clan.

“Like someone who’s up and walking within two days of being leveled by an illness that flattened every Templar and Rifter in the Inquisition for near a month?” she asks, her eyebrows arching over a gently pointed sidelong glance.

And then, a little quieter, a little kinder, “Life can be cruel enough—you don’t need to help it along, mm?”

deep sighs, motherfucker

[onlyhymns]

Nari's question disrupts Cade's line of thought, and he pauses, looking back at her with an expression that's half-surprised, half-apologetic. His face goes a bit red in the meantime, and he looks out at the water again, his ears burning. He just got told off, however gently, however encouragingly.

"...right," he concedes, self-consciously.

clockwise, motherfucker

[nadasharillen]

She's trying to decide whether or not to feel poorly for chiding him--after all, he was a man grown and their nascent friendship often felt as fragile to Nari as new forest growth with the smell of freezing still in the air--and simultaneously trying to figure out why she was using her relationship with Sina as a marker when they reach the city docks.

Nari shakes off the memories that always tag along with any thought of her clansister as she hoists herself to her feet with a quiet grunt of effort (despite not having had the flu, she hadn't had much sleep either), looking back to see if Cade will follow suit.

one tries, motherfucker

[onlyhymns]

For his part, Cade is quiet until they dock, though despite Nari's expectations his instinct is to hop out of the boat and offer his hand to her in assistance. She may not be a fine Starkhaven lady, but Cade knows his manners, and he's not going to let her struggle awkwardly out of the boat herself.

she dies, motherfucker

[nadasharillen]

How someone who’d been down for as long and as harshly as Cade managed to move so quickly was a nearly galling puzzle, but off he’d gone, past her and up onto the dock where fully contrary to expectations he was offering her a hand off the boat.

Nari couldn’t remember the last time anyone had offered her a hand under any circumstance, let alone a human, let alone one that had been trained to an unthinking ceremonial curve meant to be taken by someone far less callused—and far less elven—than she. She stares for a moment in a mix of confusion and disbelief, but ultimately the corner of her mouth quirks up and she accepts the offer with a murmur of gratitude, joining Cade on the dock.

mince pies, motherfucker

[onlyhymns]

He's got reasons. And priorities.

He offers a small smile when Nari accepts his hand, but seems to leave it at that, walking silently beside her through the docks and up through Lowtown, where Cade seems content enough to keep his gaze down and his steps even. It's not until they reach Hightown when they looks they receive become really significant, and it's when they've stopped in front of a guard that it becomes apparent:
over the low residential buildings, where the magical forest used to be present, there's now bare sky with a few black, dead stalks disrupting the silhouette.

Hoarse cries, motherfucker

[nadasharillen]

There had been a smell. An undercurrent of smoke that tickles the nose. At first, it hardly registers; it’s winter, after all, people are going to be burning wood. Nari wanted to ask about Nerva, but decided she’d poked enough for the moment and contented herself with absorbing the feeling of freedom that came from being on land again, continuing to match steps with the man beside her, her gaze sweeping the gathering morning market crowds. Cade they’d move for, even if there was grumbling. Nari, on the other hand, had become used to dodging “incidental” shoulders.

So engaged, and with the smells of the marketplace covering it, it’s not until they reach Hightown and stop that the lingering smell clicks together with the stark black spires visible over the low buildings where there should be the spreading branches and stands of evergreens of Sina’s forest. Nahariel chokes audibly, her eyes wide with horror over hands that quickly fly to cover her mouth.

No. Not this too.