Cade's Inbox

[onlyhymns]

[For personal threads, memos, things left in his quarters for him to stumble on, confessions of love, injunctions, jars of bees, and so forth.]

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[onlyhymns]

Cade doesn't take lunch for very long, so he's already back at it by the time there's a knock on the door, but all the more reason to go answer it. With a stack of papers under one arm, he pulls it open and looks a little surprised to see her there.

[nadasharillen]

Why Nari briefly startles when he opens the door-- considering that the entire goal was to find him-- is a mystery that she tosses into the pile with the rest of them.

"Ah, I was just... the sky's clear today, if you haven't eaten yet?"

What.

"That is, I was headed down to the rocks, if you've time."

There's another part to that.

"...and wanted to join me."

[onlyhymns]

"Oh." He blushes red for no reason, looks down at his papers, and slowly turns to go set them back on his desk. "Um, I can take some time." Heart thudding in his chest, part of Cade is convinced he's about to die. That's basically the same thing as hanging out with a woman who's pretty and nice to him.

[nadasharillen]

Nari waits, leaning against the doorframe, while Cade turns to place the papers. When he turns back around, she offers what she hopes is a reassuring smile and steps backwards into the hall to make room for him to join her before heading out towards the courtyard.

It’s still a bit nippy out, but the sky is indeed clear, and the early afternoon sun is high and providing the first bare hints of the weather to come; if the world were kind. As it isn’t, it’ll be cold and raining again tomorrow. For now, however, sun, the white flecks of seabirds against the pale blue, and the high sound of their calls.

As usual, Nari is comfortable with a quiet leisurely walk, wending her way down to the side of where the boats move in and out on their way to the city proper.

“It’s a bit of a scramble, but there’s a nice place I’ve found out there,” she says, gesturing at the rocky outcroppings nearby, before turning back to look at him with a sort of apologetic hope, “do you mind?”

[onlyhymns]

At least when the seasons are like this, one can take small victories where they may: the sunshine is warm despite the chill of the wind, and Cade closes his eyes for a moment as they step outside, appreciating the glow of it on his skin.
He's quiet and observant as they make their way down toward the docks, beginning to feel a little more at ease since the day is fine and Nari herself doesn't seem all that agitated. Perhaps it won't be so chaotic after all.

"I don't mind," he replies with a little smirk, looking out over the outcropping. "--I, um..." He thinks better of whatever he was about to say.

[nadasharillen]

Nari raises a curious eyebrow but doesn't inquire; she's saving the precious little 'drag things out of him' budget she has for whenever a more pressing matter arises. Whatever Cade is smirking about will have to remain an unknown.

She shifts her satchel behind her with a nod and turns back to the rocks, climbing with the practiced ease of someone who's habitually made this journey. It's not particularly difficult, there are plenty of hand and foot holds and not too much in the way of loose fragments. There's a section up, another down, up again, and then a small hop across to a wide mostly flat space somewhat shielded from the stronger wind and bits of spray that blow off the sea here by the irregular curve of the island and a couple of the rocks on the other side. It's here that Nari sits, her back to the stone, and extends her legs out into the sun that warms most of the space at this time of day.

[onlyhymns]

Moving slowly, Cade follows after Nari and, despite his caution, slips once or twice. He comes out of it with alittle scrape on the arm at one point, but he survives it and manages to make it up virtually unharmed. He'll worry later about how they'll get back down. He was a great deal smaller the last time he did this.

[nadasharillen]

The good news is it's about the same going back, except backwards.

When Cade hops over, Nari has abandoned her sitting position in favor of squinting up at the sun, back down at where the light meets shadow on the rock they're on, sticking her arm out into the light to check the length of its shadow, and then digging a little stub of charcoal out of one of the pockets in her bag to make a mark on the still shadowed side. She trades the charcoal back in for the rest of the biscuits and jam she'd been sharing with Korrin, putting them in the sun in case that warmed them up a bit. Finished, she rearranges herself against the wall with a contented smile.

"I've got a few other things in here, if--" she pauses to pull a hand through her hair and chuckles apologetically. "--I didn't actually ask if you'd had lunch yet, did I."

[onlyhymns]

Cade blushes once again, but keeps himself together. "You did," he replies with a small smile, "I just... didn't answer." He was too busy going into cardiac arrest.
"And.. um. I did. Thank you." His eyes still wander to the biscuits Nari's put out; just because he's already eaten doesn't mean he won't pretty much always say yes to baked goods.

[nadasharillen]

Seeing them pull his gaze, Nari inclines her head towards them with a nod: go ahead. She'll grab one herself-- and some jam for the top-- and then is content to chew thoughtfully and watch the horizon while the sea wind does its work of pushing the low waves to a few whitecaps and drying her hair the rest of the way, making the length she'd let it grow to over the past months flutter like a flag.

Her small contented sigh is lost in the sound of the water, but the smile that goes with it isn't.

[onlyhymns]

Sheepishly, Cade takes a biscuit, though he waits until after Nari has spread the jam before he does it himself. He's not an animal.

After several minutes of silence, he begins to understand that he can relax; he's not here to be grilled, presumably, just to spend time. Perhaps this is all right. Munch munch.

[nadasharillen]

Despite simply having found that she's begun to prefer her silences with his silences in them, Nari did have an ulterior motive; albeit not one that requires any real participation on his part save being willing to listen.

Sifting through the past half-year of their acquaintance-- had it been so long?-- to answer Korrin's question had been illuminating in a way she wasn't entirely sure how she felt about yet. Or at least, hadn't been ready to think about yet. Still isn't. But there was one thing.

"When you said you trusted me," Nari says with no preamble, just loud enough to be heard over the repetitive noise of wave on rock, still looking outwards, "I didn't know what that meant. Not really. I was nervous and only thinking about whether or not I might physically injure you some way you didn't want." Pause for thoughtful consumption of last biscuit piece.

"It was bigger than that, though, and I was too..." She trails off, flicking some crumbs to lower rocks, perhaps for the birds, "caught up in my own head to understand that until just earlier today, and I wanted to..." This time she pauses to search for smaller bits of rocks, tossing them outward. Finally she looks over at him. "You're very brave, Cade Harimann. And I hope to be worthy of it."

Back to watching the sea.

[onlyhymns]

It's fortunate that Cade is still chewing when Nari starts to speak, because that means he can't panic about not having an answer. It's impolite to speak with one's mouth full, so it's better that he doesn't.

He does begin to blush, however, and watches her uncertainly for the several long moments it takes for him to swallow his mouthful. He still doesn't know what to say, but a quiet "thank you" seems a start.
"...I'm..." he begins, and falters, looking out at the sea himself. "...I'm... glad you're not..." Repulsed? Offended? "...afraid."

[nadasharillen]

Having finished her biscuit, Nari doesn't have it as a shield, so instead she just leans back against the cool rock to think, looking at the sky instead.

She thinks about saying 'never', but after all that's happened over the past years she's not sure she believes in absolutes anymore. The very fact of this conversation puts the lie to at least three times she'd said it. That and he might not believe her. She thinks about saying 'I am', which is true, but not of what they're talking about. She thinks about just nodding, but that isn't reaching back the way she wants to. In the end she reaches for another stone, throws it out toward the water, and says "There are things worth being brave for."

[onlyhymns]

This he understands well enough. Templars are meant to be brave by definition, and he would define the goodness and safety of the world as reasons to be brave for that cause.
But he's not part of that cause anymore. Even Simon called him a craven, not so long ago. What little of an ego he has is still bruised seemingly beyond recovery.

Nodding slowly to Nari, Cade sighs out through his nose and pushes a hand through his hair. "There are... things that aren't," he counterpoints. Craven indeed.

[nadasharillen]

"There are," Nari agrees evenly, her head still laid back to watch the gulls circle against the blue. She turns her head so she's looking at him; her thoughtful regard is a bit sideways as a result of the tilt, like a bird's might be. "But you aren't one of them."

[onlyhymns]

Cade meets her gaze only briefly before looking away again, ashamed that this has come up at all; has he gone and ruined a nice conversation by being pathetic? How typical.
"How can you be sure," he asks, his voice suddenly laden with weariness.

[nadasharillen]

With very little hesitation, as if she’d been waiting for just such a question, Nari says “Because after everything you’re still kind. Because you smile at dogs and they smile back.” She continues, evenly, like she was slowly picking pebbles from a pouch to stack them in front of him, “Because in the forest you walk like you don’t want to wake it. Because when you pray in the mornings your face is so open and humble that I almost believe. Because I—”

Nari abruptly snaps her mouth shut, sudden color riding high on her cheeks, and looking for all the world like she’d suddenly flipped the cart she’d just been handling so confidently.

[onlyhymns]

Fully not anticipating any of that, Cade is lifted out of his self-loathing to stare at Nari, a slow blush creeping over his face.

w h a t

[nadasharillen]

She, on the other hand, is looking everywhere else. Quickly.

Sun’s almost at the mark she’d made. Myr will probably miss him soon. The waves are nice. Birds still up there. Sky’s blue. Sea’s a different blue. Might be a cloud on the horizon there. It’s nice in the shade. Here are a few more rocks to throw. Blood sounds interesting in your ears. Are there more biscuits?

Nahariel, you fucking coward it hasn’t been three breaths since you told him he was worth being brave for. Say something, say something.

“I... ah...”

Doing great.

[onlyhymns]

Recognizing what a panicked inability to speak looks like, Cade quickly looks away from her and out at the water, his own heart racing. Oh no, he ruined everything somehow, he knows it--

[nadasharillen]

Her eyes flit by him in their journey, and oh no, she recognizes that look, and wanting to disabuse him of the notion that her fluttering panic is somehow his fault drags at her enough to make her desperately—and near inarticulately—blurt “Because I thought feeling like this was for other people!”

[onlyhymns]

Unexpectedly, Nari's shrill exclamation strikes a cord. Still blushing, now furiously, Cade glances back at her, meeting her eyes momentarily just to seek the validity of what she just said. He can't imagine she would lie.

"...so did I," he admits, to the ground.

[nadasharillen]

Despite having just been fervently praying—perhaps better described as shrieking internally—for something, anything to stop her, the abrupt slam of her careening heart into Cade’s short quiet response is so entirely unexpected that Nari skips surprise entirely and lands at a graceless wide-eyed open-mouthed gawk.

[onlyhymns]

Cade doesn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't silence. He gradually looks up from the rocks, just long enough to see Nari's expression, then darts his gaze away again, bright red to his ears.